What To Expect When You’re Expecting was the go-to book for parents in the 80s and 90s. It was useful in preparing me for the physical changes my body would experience during my two pregnancies. I dog-eared pages and highlighted key sections. It was my favorite resource. Fast forward to 2018 when my son and daughter-in-law had our first grandchild. No book prepares you for what it’s like to become a grandparent. Sure, there are online sites as well as coffee mugs, t-shirts and bumper stickers touting it but until you experience it yourself, it’s almost impossible to describe. Tears flowed when I saw my son hold his daughter for the first time and say, “hello sweetheart.” And just a few days ago, our daughter gave birth to our grandson, and we were able to greet him in the delivery room.

As I was anticipating Arthur’s arrival, I spent time praying for patience and listening. What I heard wasn’t exactly what I expected. My mind kept going back to memories and stories of my own grandparents. This was when I had one of my AHA moments. Perhaps the reason I love being a grandmother so much to my three little ones is because my Grandma Cheney passed away when I was only six months old. I was born in October of 1961, and she suffered a heart attack and died in April of 1962 at the age of 68. 

Growing up I never really gave it much thought and didn’t realize how much I had missed. That is until I attended a women’s retreat at my church in 2001. The speaker asked us to share in our small groups about our relationship with our grandmothers. As I listened to the stories, I began crying. No, more like sobbing. After that experience, I called my mom and asked her to write a letter to me describing my grandma. I still have that six-page letter written in my mom’s cursive handwriting and consider it one of my most precious belongings. She told me she was surprised but happy that I wanted to know more about the kind of person Carrie Belle Bushman Cheney was. 

Here are some of the things my mom included in the letter:

“You know God makes some very special people in this world and your grandmother Carrie was one of them. She was special to everyone who knew her and loved her.”

“She was a very frugal person, never wanting things for herself and doing without a lot. Her family, husband and children came first. She loved God and read her Bible nearly every day. She had a clean mind and never said a cuss word in her life. Oh, Sugar was what she would say when she was upset.”

“Grandma Carrie was a very humble person. Always conscious of and wanting to help people with disabilities or in need. She was always giving a lot when she didn’t have much and needed it herself.”

Unlike her, I do cuss but maybe I’ll adopt “Oh, Sugar” as my new phrase instead. Perhaps her desire to help people is the seed that was planted in me all those years ago that led to my work in the nonprofit sector. It makes me so emotional all these years later to think of her. And more than ever now that I’m a grandmother. I was fortunate enough to know my Grandpa Cheney for a few years before he passed away in 1968, when I was just six years old. I do have wonderful memories of him playing the harmonica while he held me on his feet so we could dance together. He also used to give me sips of beer just to get a rise out of my mom. His home in Braman, Oklahoma was such a happy place. Christmas each year included his grandkids sitting around in a circle as he handed out those red mesh stockings filled with candy, nuts, fruit and money. His love is still with me all these years later. I like to think I got my sense of humor from him along with my competitive spirit and sassy attitude. 

I could write a book about what to expect when you become a grandparent but it’s different for each person. And I’ve learned no matter how you become a grandparent, whether it’s familial or because you choose to take on that role for a child, it’s simple. The book just needs one word – LOVE. Oh, and like the Grinch, be prepared because your heart will grow many times bigger.