Life Among the Aspens with the Hartleys

We received word at the end of last week that Tim is now officially on the list for a new kidney. Friends and family members who have indicated an interest in being a Living Donor will now be able to start the process of finding if it’s a match.

THIS IS HUGE NEWS!

The listing process took much longer than we were told it would. We certainly became buddies with some folks at Integris and Blue Cross Blue Shield while waiting. We’re pretty sure Tim’s file has been flagged but we’re okay with that. If you don’t advocate for your own health care, who will?

His health is still good overall. He is feeling more tired or at least he tells me that so I won’t disturb his naps. Really, I’m just jealous that he can nap.

While we wait for the perfect kidney, he will continue to be monitored by some skilled specialists and tested monthly.

The timing of his surgery will almost completely depend on how long testing takes of potential donors and matching schedules. Since this is a pre-emptive transplant, we have the benefit of time that others in more serious situations might not have. Our ideal timeframe would coincide with my teaching schedule at OU but we know God is actually the master planner, even though I think I’m pretty close.

Living organ donation is such a special gift. Speaking of special gifts, one of my best buddies surprised me this weekend and sent me the wonderful kidney necklace featured in the photo in this blog. The card that came with it said, “the kidney shape symbolizes water and the stream of life. I hope you feel this flowing spirit and are nurtured into positive thought.”

One of my sweet sorority sisters sent this to me over the weekend to celebrate. She said we’ll go get the back of it engraved with the date once the transplant happens.

To all of you traveling this journey with us, we appreciate your prayers and words of encouragement.

We did get #49 checked off our list when we visited the 49^thstate in August. Our future travels will pretty much be to Springfield, MO to see our grand daughter after she is born next month and to Denver, CO to help Sarah and Nathan get settled in their new city.

Keep those positive thoughts coming our way!

And Boomer Cougar!

Yes – Tyler and Elyse are expecting in October. The working title for the baby is “Rowena” until we actually know the gender, which we’ll find out from them this weekend.

Yes – Sarah and Nathan got engaged on Sunday night. They are excited to start planning a spring wedding in Tulsa and I’m already looking online at mother-of-the-bride dresses.

Yes – We made it through six hours of kidney transplant consultation meetings on May 22. A couple more tests to go and then Tim should be placed on the list soon.

Lots of excitement happening with the Hartley Family. All four of our kids will be home for a long weekend and we can’t wait to celebrate! In fact, James Taylor will be singing to us LIVE Friday night, along with a few thousand of our friends.

I took this photo of James in August of 2015 when we saw him in concert at Fenway Park in Boston.

“You’re going to be a very boring patient” is what Dr. Jose El-Amm, the medical director for kidney transplantation at Integris said to Tim. Who knew being called boring would turn out to be a good thing. The transplant team will meet next week to review Tim’s case and then we’ll know when we are “a go” to be placed on the list.

They did take 17 viles of blood yesterday and told us we will know his blood type next week. We did find out O is universal and that + and – don’t matter. Many friends and family members have indicated their interest is seeing if they are a match and we’ll let you know about blood group compatibility in the next week or two. We know, without doubt or fear, that God is in control and the right living donor will work out.

Dr. Scott Samara is the surgical director and he walked us through the process of the surgery. He termed Tim’s case as a pre-emptive transplant, meaning they want to give him a new kidney before he needs to be placed on dialysis. Dr. Samara feels certain we can achieve this goal. We are in Stage One now, then Stage Two is the actual transplant and Stage Three is life after the transplant.

All the professionals we met with yesterday were thorough, optimistic and compassionate. We know we are in good hands!

My husband is strong and can always seem to find good in the information being shared. For example, when Kayla, our transplant social worker, told him he wouldn’t be able to travel to any third world countries after the transplant, his response was “great, I’ve never wanted to do that anyway and now I really have a legitimate excuse.”

The morning of our appointment, five friends sent messages that they were lifting us and the medical team up in prayer. We both got teary eyed. We truly cherish the support and love from our family and friends.

Until next time…Live Happy!

We received word last week that our meeting with the Kidney Transplant Team at Integris is set for May 22. Naturally we want to receive as much information as we can as early as we can but we will patiently wait a few more weeks. Tim is still feeling good and we continue to put this in God’s hands and are filled with hope.

This initial appointment should take around four hours. We’ll meet with the nephrologist, surgeon, financial coordinator and social worker. The letter confirming our appointment also had a list of instructions for us to review and follow. My favorite is this one: Please be respectful of the staff taking care of you by arriving on time for your appointment with a clean body, hair and clothing. I guess that means I’ll have to do laundry!

We’ve been so thankful for the support and prayers from our friends and family. Many of you have reached out to us and shared stories of others who have traveled this same journey. We’ve had a number of people ask about Tim’s blood type and the crazy thing is, we don’t remember what it is. Mine is A Negative so we know that isn’t his type. We will know soon though and be able to share.

I mentioned in my first blog post that we are considering a paired donation where I would donate a kidney to someone I’m a match with and then Tim would get a matched kidney in turn. We also have had several people offer to be a living donor and give a kidney to Tim if they are a match. I’m keeping a list of all the wonderful friends and family members who have offered and will definitely be in touch when we know more.

My favorite story so far around this whole adventure happened when we were on Spring Break in Santa Fe. If you know us, you know we love to vacation there. Mainly it’s the food, but we also love the skiing and hiking. Even though New Mexico didn’t get much snow this year, we decided to brave it and ski a couple of days.

Tim wore his favorite sweatshirt that just happens to be from the University of Tulsa. While we were taking a break at the best mid-mountain watering hole ever, two different people stopped and asked if we were from Oklahoma. One guy was wearing an Enable Midstream  hat which made the conversation go a little deeper then just the normal chit chat. Enable is the natural gas affiliate of OGE, where Tim worked for over 14 years. We had a nice time chatting it up with our new friend and then headed out for more skiing.

Later that evening we decided to continue our quest of ranking the best margaritas in Santa Fe. We stopped by the outdoor patio at Inn of the Anasazi and grabbed a seat. We were greeted, served water and given menus. Then we didn’t see a server for 15 minutes so we left and went to La Posada. We love this hotel and the bar area is always hopping. We arrived and grabbed two seats at a small table in the corner. We placed our order and were getting settled in when we realized our Enable friend and his family were right next to us. We then spent the next 30 minutes playing our own version of Kevin Bacon’s six degrees of separation. But let’s face it, we live in Oklahoma and we never need six degrees. Thanks to poor service earlier in the evening at the other hotel prompting us to walk out, we had what I like to call a “God Moment” with Kelly and Maggie.

We found out more about each other and how many friends and experiences we have in common. Maggie also has a background in communications and public relations and works at Integris. You know – the place where they have this amazing organ transplant center. She was so excited to learn about our story and said she would be interested in being a living donor for Tim. Her husband assured us it wasn’t just the wine talking and that this was something she has always wanted to do for someone. What an amazing story this will truly be if she turns out to be a match and ends up being the living donor.

The spirit of generosity is alive and well.

I promise, as soon as we know Tim’s blood type, we will let everyone know and we’ll be in touch about the process for living donors who are interested.

One last thing – I learned in journalism school at OU that you are not supposed to bury the lead but there are multiple story lines happening in our lives right now. We did get fantastic news that we are going to be grandparents! Tyler and Elyse are expecting and the baby is due the day before my birthday. Lots of great things happening for our family and becoming a grandmother feels pretty terrific right now. And yes, I cried when the kids told us.

We truly have so much goodness in our lives and are thankful to be able to share this wild and crazy ride called life with all of you as we wait patiently for a new kidney and our first grandbaby!

I remember the day so clearly. It was a hot and windy July day in Elk City and some guy was coming to interview for an opening on the newspaper staff. He walked in the front door still wearing his aviator sunglasses and his necktie had blown up over his right shoulder. I remember thinking to myself “please don’t hire this clown.”

He did get hired. And even though I had been given the advice to avoid office romances, the options in Elk City were quite limited. Office conversations turned into lunches at Pizza Hut and then dates to the movie theater in Sayre. About a year and a half later, on November 24, 1984, we were married. This year, we will celebrate our 34^th wedding anniversary.

We were kids. We were both 23 when we said our vows, not really knowing what was ahead. We’ve had great adventures and shared great sorrow. For better – we’ve watched our two children, Tyler and Sarah, grow into beautiful adults. For worse – the loss of many loved ones including our parents. Now it’s time to put another section of our vows to test – in sickness and in health.

Tim was first diagnosed in 2002 with Polycystic Kidney Disease. PKD is a genetic disease passed from his dad to him causing uncontrolled growth of cysts in the kidney eventually leading to kidney failure. He has been seeing a specialist since this time and has been in good health. Dr. Laura Rankin monitors a couple of numbers related to his kidney function. We’ve known for some time the numbers were slowly declining. Now the numbers have started declining more rapidly.

So our journey with Polycystic Kidney Disease continued Monday, March 12 with the Patient and Family Orientation for Kidney Transplant at the Integris Nazih Zuhdi Transplant Institute in Oklahoma City. This was the first step in the evaluation process of being listed for a kidney transplant.

We will spend the next six to eight weeks patiently waiting for the process of insurance approval. Then Tim will go through intensive medical evaluations and we will be meeting with lots of representatives from the Integris transplant team including the transplant surgeons, Dr. Scott Samara and Dr. Shea Samara, social workers, financial coordinators and pharmacists.

Kidneys can come from deceased donors or living donors. Living donors need to be the same blood type and in good health. I want to be a living donor for that “clown” who walked into the door of the Elk City Daily News in the summer of 1983. Tim and I are not the same blood type though, so we will be working toward what is known as a kidney paired donation. A paired exchange consists of two or more kidney donor/recipient pairs whose blood types are not compatible. The two recipients trade donors so that each recipient can receive a kidney with a compatible blood type.

We’ve been told paired donations usually take at least a year for everything to be evaluated and arranged. Tim’s health is good and his doctor has said she thought it would be 12 to 18 months before he starts to feel badly.

The surgery for Tim will mean a 4 to 5 day hospital stay and then a recovery process of up to six weeks that will include lots of follow-up appointments and monitoring at Integris. For a living donor, the surgery is done laproscopically and is only a 2-day hospital stay.

The success rate with transplants at Integris is 98 percent, two percentage points above the national average. And the failures are mostly because the patient isn’t taking his medicine or taking care of other health factors like managing weight, keeping active and maintaining communication and contact with his doctors. Tim will be taking medication for the life of his new organ to make sure his body doesn’t reject it. And I’ll be making sure he does all the other things for a successful transplant and long life with me!

If you want to know more about this process, there is a 55-minute video from the father and son team of surgeons who direct this world-class organ transplant program included within this presentation link https://www.integris.tv/transplant/video/kidney-orientation/list/transplant-patient-orientation.

We will certainly keep you posted along the way and let you know when we hit major milestones in this process. In the meantime, your prayers are welcome and when the time comes, I expect mall you good cooks to fatten us up.

I wasn’t sure about sharing this information but three friends encouraged me to  journal during the process and what better way to do that than with my blog. Thanks for joining us on this journey and being part of our support system.

My husband, Tim Hartley, doesn’t “do” social media or have a blog. He was inspired over the weekend to actually write a post and asked if he could be a guest blogger on my blog. After you read this, you’ll know quickly why I said yes. You’ll also gain insight as to why I fell in love with this man 32+ years ago and why I fall more in love with him each day. 

You can’t always get what you want.

This seems to go without saying, but the Rolling Stones said it anyway. And now their song, conceived in 1969, is an anthem of timeless wisdom.

Which brings us to baseball. And to what we want.

‘Cause if you try sometime, you just might find, get what you need.

I don’t really follow baseball; just the Cardinals. And what I want is for them to win. I don’t always get what I want, but in my lifetime of 55 years, I’ve gotten what I need; 5 World Series championships and nine – NINE! – National League pennants. And, in the glorious history of America’s best baseball city, St. Louis has 11 total World Series championships and I don’t know how many National League pennants. Being able to lose count of such a thing is definitely what you want.

Enough about the Cardinals, right? Because I don’t really follow baseball, I didn’t realize until as recently as 2012 that the Cardinals are not – NOT! – loved by all.

Which brings us to the Cubs. There’s not a human being alive today who remembers the last time Chicago won the World Series. But being Chicago, they have figured out how to be involved in baseball conversations since 1908, to the point where there’s an actual rivalry with the Cardinals. Think about that. The losers have mustered a rivalry with the winners. That’s the moxie of Chicago.

On Saturday night at Wrigley Field, the Cubs won the National League pennant. You’d have to be pushing 80 to remember the last time that happened, 1945. It was not what I wanted.

And then, over at Oktoberfest in Tulsa, a certain Cubs fan showed up after the game. His name is Nathan, and he’s from Cubs country in Iowa, and my daughter Sarah loves him. I got to see what it looks like when a kid’s team just won the pennant for the first time in his life. You get what you need.

What’s more, this is a Cubs guy, trying to contain his euphoria (pretty well) and compose himself (very well) in front of a Cardinals guy who is also his girlfriend’s father. This was no easy assignment.

Being a Cardinals guy, I was only 6 when it happened to me the first time, but a better comparison is 1982, when I was 21, able to legally toast my winning ball club with a can or two of Budweiser. I might not have been very composed. I never thought about it until now, but it’s a good thing I didn’t even have a girlfriend, let alone a girlfriend’s Cub-fan father, to meet after the Cardinals won.

I was at Washington State University at the time, where our beloved sports announcer, Bob Robertson, closes every broadcast with the same admonition: “Always be a good sport. Be a good sport all ways.”

We all know that’s no easy assignment. And meanwhile, in St. Louis, they’re widely advertised as the “Best Fans in Baseball.” Living up to that one can be a challenge as well.

Especially now, when they’re not getting what they want. But if they try some time (to see this through a Cubs fan’s eyes), they’ll get what they need.

Oh, and Go CLEVELAND!

To me he was Uncle Chet, even though he was my first

Cheney family reunions kept us close. This is a photo from one at our Busch family farm. Look at my Uncle Chet eating cake with a knife. His motto was to adapt to whatever life brings your way!

cousin. My parents loved him like he was one of their children and he loved them in that same way. He was 18 years old when I was born and always an important part of my life. Chester Leroy Cheney was born December 11, 1942 and passed away April 16, 2016.

You’ve probably heard people refer to the dash between the date of birth and the date of death and how that is what really defines a life well lived. Uncle Chet’s dash was a dash worth remembering.

His life was never easy. His father, my real Uncle Chet, was killed in action during World War II. His mom, my Aunt Francis, remarried and Chet was given a second father who loved him without pause.

From stories I heard, Chet was an incredibly talented baseball player and was being highly recruited by professional teams including the Dodgers. He was asked to try out and was on a trip with his coach and other players when there was a car accident. Chet was the only one who was injured. From that day forward, he lived his life in a wheelchair.

Despite these two major life challenges I can’t even begin to fathom, he made living look easy. He was a major influence on my life. He taught me perseverance. He showed me what strength really is. He loved without judgment. And he was the author and perfector of more off-color jokes than anyone in the history of mankind. I’m not exaggerating. I loved that every time we talked on the phone he would tell me a silly joke and then tell me he had a joke for me to tell Tim. It was always inappropriate and hilarious. He taught me to laugh at raunchy jokes and to never take your self too seriously.

He told me he loved me every time we spoke on the phone, which was pretty regularly. He called often just to chat, catch up, or check in on how Tim and the kids were doing. We had a special bond because he was a special man.

Everyone kept it a secret from me so you can probably imagine my surprise when I walked through the back door of the church on November 24, 1984 on my dad’s arm and saw Chet in his wheel chair in the aisle. As if your wedding day isn’t special enough, it was even more meaningful to have him travel from Colorado to share that experience with us. On this occasion and on so many others, he made me feel like I was the most important person in his life. He loved big!

As my parents grew older and especially when my dad was in hospice care, Chet called often to check on them. He would send cards and include $10 with a note that said “use it to buy coffee.” He taught me generosity. He taught me how important it is to take time to enjoy the company of others and a good, hot cup of coffee, or a cold beer.

Chester Leroy Cheney – your dash is truly memorable. I love you.

Live the Life You Have Imagined.

Do what you love.   Love what you do.

For me, I feel like I’m living a dream. Sometimes I just stop and fill with tears of joy.
I was given an opportunity three years ago to teach a class at OU as an adjunct professor. It was January of 2013 and I felt like Lily Tomlin sitting in that giant chair, not sure I belonged. The classroom was small and I had 17 students. I realized after the first few classes this was where I belonged. It was where I always belonged but God needed to get me ready first.
So starting August 25, 2015, Diana Gayle Busch Hartley steps into an OU classroom as a Professor of Practice. This little girl from the small town of Cushing, Oklahoma, with a master’s degree in journalism, will teach in the nonprofit management program and help coordinate expansion of this important career field for college students. I can’t wait!
It does get cooler. I’m writing this post from a house I rented in Santa Fe for the month of July. The new course I’m teaching this fall is being crafted in the foothills of the Jemez and Sangre de Cristo mountains. During the week, I work on my OU courses and consulting projects. On the weekends, groups of friends come from Oklahoma to spend time here.
As of today, I’ve logged almost 80 miles hiking and walking since July 1. I’ve had time alone to really reflect on who I am and who I want to be. Most people don’t get this chance. I have a husband who supports me and wants me to follow my dreams. I have a family that encourages me and tells me they’re proud of me. I have friends who may think I’m a little crazy but they come along for the ride.
While I’ve been in Santa Fe, a 38-year-old friend of mine passed away after fighting brain cancer for two years. I was sad I couldn’t be at his memorial service. His life reminds each of us to make the most of the time we have.
I’m certainly making the most of this month in Santa Fe.
Henry David Thoreau was really onto something – I am living the life I’ve imagined. Are you?

One of my favorite books is Love Does by Bob Goff. I met Bob in November 2013 and heard him share one of his life philosophies – quit something every Thursday. Well, it’s Thursday, July 3, 2014 – what are you going to quit today? I’ve made my decision.

What a hoot! This guy gets it.

In many ways the 4th of July holiday feels like a new year. Maybe because summer is in full swing. Maybe because many nonprofits start a new fiscal year July 1. Maybe because we’re halfway through the calendar year. Or maybe it’s the fireworks that remind me of midnight on New Year’s Eve. It’s a time of celebration!

I love fireworks and have been know to shoot them illegally and irresponsibly. Last year there was a near catastrophe at a state park – Yikes! And, of course, the infamous family attack with pop bottle rockets on my brothers when they were out in the boat fishing on our family’s lake. Good times.

This time of year also causes me to stop and reflect. How are those resolutions coming along I made six months ago? One of them is to quit something every Thursday. Some weeks I’ve had great success and others not so much. But today is Thursday and the start of a new year.

I’ve decided to quit hurrying. I posted a little ditty on FaceBook this week that said “pausing to delight in the simple joys of everyday life is the only way to truly live.”

Tonight, our daughter will be home and we’ll go over and watch a fireworks show with friends. Tomorrow morning, we’ll make our annual trek to Roman Nose State Park with dear friends who feel more like family. We’ll play cards, smoke ribs, throw around some horseshoes, and eat too much. The most important thing we’ll do is not hurry and spend time together delighting in those simple joys.

Speaking of simple joys – I had 14 meetings last week, 11 this week and 13 scheduled for next week. It’s hard to not hurry and enjoy those simple joys with a full schedule. But my friend Bob reminds me each Thursday that being busy and hurrying from one spot to the next is not the way I choose to live.  Instead, I’ve spent time today moving some things around on my calendar so I can quit hurrying. I already feel more peace and freedom.

After all, it’s almost the 4th of July and isn’t it about celebrating freedom?

I was glad to put 2013 behind me and venture into 2014. A friend told me she really doesn’t like the odd numbered years and finds that the even numbers are much more pleasing. So here’s to 2014…

But before I get rid of all the 2013 calendars, I want to share some valuable lessons I learned after breaking my leg in March.

1. Guardian angels are real. Mine was John and he was an off-duty ski patrol who happened by within minutes after my accident. My biggest concern wasn’t if I would be able to ever walk again. No, my biggest concerns were that he help make sure they save my brand new pants and that he get my age right when he called in the accident.
2. I learned if you break your leg it’s really comforting to have a doctor with a Biblical name like Moses. And if he asks if he can pray with you on one of the scariest days of your life, that helps too.
3. I’ve always been able to remember people’s names and how I first met them. This came in pretty handy at Norman Regional with my favorite nurse. Felicia Whitworth was a nursing student when I was the marketing director at Moore Norman Technology Center. I remembered her name and featuring her in marketing materials as one of our best and brightest. She still is among the best and brightest. She actually took two extra shifts when I was in the hospital for my second surgery just to make sure I was taken care of according to her high standards.
4. What is one of the ultimate marriage tests – breaking your leg and having your husband care for you for the ten weeks you can’t put weight on your leg. His care was flawless and his patience never ending. Every night he would say “I’m here for you” and as we prepare to celebrate our 30th anniversary in 2014, I know he always will be.
5. Friends and family matter the most – I was showered with flowers, gifts, cards, meals, visits, calls and even my favorite deep dish pizza straight from Chicago. This experience has made me a better friend. I send more cards. I cook more meals. I’ve learned caring for others, even in the smallest ways, can mean the most.
6. Everyone has scars but most of them we can’t see. I now have two great big, beautiful scars on my leg. When I look at them I see so much more than flaws in my skin. I see life lessons that have brought me to this place, to this time, to this life. And I am thankful for every bit of it.

May 2014 bring all of us many opportunities to look for and listen for God.