With every new year comes resolutions. Not me! Not this year! And I didn’t eat any black-eyed peas either. I decided it’s time for a different approach. In years past I’ve had themes but I’m going with the KISS method for 2023 – keep it simple sweetie and selecting one word to focus on.

As someone who is quite skilled at talking, it’s time to lock my jaws and use my ears, brain and heart more. Our new home is in a quiet neighborhood giving me unlimited opportunities each day to be still and listen. I’ve changed my morning routine to include devotionals, reading the Bible and praying, really praying. And all of this happens before I “Wordle.”  

Want to know what I’ve heard as January comes to a close? 

Relationships matter more than anything else. This may sound simple, and it can be. But it can also be one of the most difficult parts of our lives to navigate. It takes a high level of self-awareness including understanding our own strengths and weaknesses so we can relate better to friends and family. 

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in relationships. Shocker – I’ve said things I’ve later regretted. I haven’t reached out when I should have. I’ve let my feelings get hurt. I’ve unintentionally hurt others. So, as I’ve been listening more, reading more and being still, I know I need to and can make necessary changes to build, strengthen and restore meaningful connection with people who are important to me. 

During the last five months, I have truly been blessed by so many who have given me their support and prayers. In many ways, I believe my cancer has been a gift. It has also given me the gift of clarity about just how powerful friendship can be. I’ve learned distance doesn’t matter. Mutual trust, emotional connection and deep bonds can overcome just about anything. 

As I’ve been open about my cancer journey and sharing my story on social media, I’ve enjoyed reading comments and reflecting on how I first met someone – my hometown of Cushing; Alpha Phi Sorority; the University of Oklahoma as a student and employee; Norman, my home during college and for the last 34 years before moving to Santa Fe; First Presbyterian Church; my Sheros group; co-workers and other professional/personal friends; students; lots of cousins from my Cheney and Busch families; many others who have come into my life during different phases or seasons. 

This time of listening has made me realize we choose our friends based on how they make us feel, if we can trust each other and if we go out of our way to support each other. I’ve had beloved friends do these things for me and now it’s my turn to make certain I’m that kind of friend to others.

I am far from perfect. I’m thankful I have friends who know this and still walk beside me. I choose friends who look past my mistakes and find a way to forgive me instead of passing judgement. They understand when I need space. And even if we go long periods of time without being in contact or seeing each other, we pick up right where we left off. I hope we all understand how truly valuable meaningful friendships are and that they are worth striving to protect, no matter the cost. 

Changing our address from Norman, Oklahoma to Santa Fe, New Mexico was a choice we made for several reasons – weather, outdoor activities, culture, food, mountains, more food. I knew I would have to be intentional about my relationships and not let the distance negatively affect them. This change also gave me the opportunity to make new friends. It’s more challenging when you’re 61 than when you’re in elementary school. But God again has blessed me with new friends, some are neighbors, some I’ve met through small group activities, and some are what I call God winks. People placed in my path at the right time for the right reason. 

Cancer was a gift. (Past tense – yay!!!!)  Relationships are gifts. Every day is a gift and if I had made a resolution for the new year, it would be what one of my favorite writers said so perfectly.